Diet Coke, as anyone wearing a sweatband and chugging the latest protein shake (packed with more additives than you can count) will reluctantly admit, is packed with aspartame.

Oof, tough luck, Modernista -- getting dumped by Cadillac must hurt like hell. While you're wallowing in post-breakup misery, ruminating on the fickle nature of the ad biz, perhaps this 1966 speech by voice artist extraordinaire Mel Blanc, entitled "Mel Blanc Takes A Humorous Look At Commercials: Past, Present and Future (Who The Hell Is Mel Blanc?)," will cheer you up.