Inquiring minds
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My 12-year-old son asked the other day if I had ever had sex with anyone other than his father. I was somehow able to talk around this, but I’m pretty certain that it is going to come up again. I did have sex with a few other men before my husband were married. How do I handle this when it comes up again?
_Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned,
The proper answer to your son is, “That’s none of your business.” If one your female friends asked you this question, you would think it rude. Your son is not old enough to un-derstand the inherent rudeness and privacy factors, so you must introduce them to him. If he persists, you might want to ask him, “So, how many times a week are you whacking off these days?”
A real pisser
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
In recent months, I have found that I prefer peeing on myself to masturbating. I drink a lot of water, and when my bladder can’t hold it anymore, I let ’er rip. What I wonder about is whether this is really sick and if there is any sort of infection or health risk in doing this.
_Water Boy
Dear Water,
I don’t know if this is “sick,” From what I have been able to find out about the dangers of urinating on oneself, the danger seems minimal, if non-existent. (I, of course, may be wrong about this, because DR. LOVEMONKEY IS NOT A PHYSICIAN.) So I would say, worry not, be very thorough in your laundry, and know that you are not welcome to dampen my doorway.
Fist of love
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I was watching Showtime’s Californication recently, and was struck — if you’ll pardon the pun — by a scene in which a sexy young vixen rides the David Duchovny character to climax and then punches him in the head, much to his surprise. She later asserts her interest in “fucking and punching.” It turns out she’s underage and the daughter of the guy to whom the Duchovny character’s ex-wife is with. Have you heard of this practice?
_Weird Girl
Dear Weird Girl,
It sounds like something from the fevered imagination of a premium cable screenwriter. However, given the gyrations of people in the entertainment community, it wouldn’t surprise Dr. Lovemonkey if this is a based on some sort of real life alternative to the quasi-mythical donkey punch.
Send questions and romantic quandaries torudycheeks@verizon.net.
