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The Big Hurt: Rotten butter

John Lydon spreads it on thick. Plus, intrusive devices and CGI pissoirs
By DAVID THORPE  |  October 8, 2008


FALL OUT BOY shocker: PETE WENTZ not stoked to collaborate with Nokia? In a now deleted blog post, the heartthrob tweenbait bassist lashed out against the iTunes debut of the “I Don’t Care” video, which featured quite a few intrusive product-placement shots of Nokia cellphones. “The version of the video that we worked on night after night is not the version that aired,” said Wentz, “yet somehow a cut full of glorious camera-phone shots did.”

What’s the big deal? Fall Out Boy are pioneers of video product placement, having already hawked Nokia phones and Tag body spray in their “Thnks Fr Th Mmrs” video. Some speculate Pete is mad that his personal for-the-fans iTunes cut wound up tainted with commerce. According to Wentz, the video was supposed to be a statement condemning “dudes wearing eyeliner and hawking energy drinks.” Might want to wipe off the raccoon eyes and spit the corporate teat out of your mouth before you start attempting such bold statements of principle, ass.

You guys. You guys. I heard some news about CLAY AIKEN that you’re not going to fucking believe.

At last, my lingering doubts have been put to rest: SLASH, legend in the twin worlds of guitar and top hats, has endorsed BARACK OBAMA. “I agree with a lot of his stuff,” declared Slash in a recent NME Radio interview. I guess that means my time as an undecided is over, since I’m a lifelong straight-ticket Snakepit voter.

Actual CNN headline: “BONO pumps fist about end of malaria.” Yesss!

Gold-standard class act ADNAN GHALIB, known for nurturing former girlfriend Britney Spears through her most troubled period, has admitted to owning a sex video of himself and the resurgent star. “There is such a tape,” he told Heat magazine, “but I won’t discuss prices for hypothetical enquiries. Unless there is a locked-in deal, I will go no further.” He’s not all bad, though: “I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney.” Of course, most of her details are already in the public domain as the result of a series of ill-advised drunken car dismounts.

Eeyew: her most troubled period? Did I really write that? Oh well, can’t go back and change it now.

From the “Yeah, Right” file: MY BLOODY VALENTINE are now said to be working on two albums of new material — which doubles the statistical likelihood that we’ll never hear a new My Bloody Valentine album again. In related news: the rock-solid new GUNS N’ ROSESChinese Democracy release date is November 25. Bet the farm on this one, folks!

Did y’all see that scene in the Terminator TV show where SHIRLEY MANSON morphed into a urinal? There’s probably an extremely esoteric pervert out there going “fucking finally!” Oh, but the answer is no, you didn’t see it, because nobody on Earth watches that shit. (Editor’s note: Dave might revise his opinion after reading Jon Garelick’s review of the show in last week’s Phoenix. Or not.)

A new instructional DVD called GAMERS TO PLAYERS (or G2P, if you’re hep) promises to translate your finely honed Guitar Hero/Rock Band skills into actual instrumental talent. “Learning to play guitar after learning the games can be difficult,” explains co-creator Mark John Sternal. “G2P gives a gamer an advantage over beginners when making the transition from the controller to a real guitar.” It seems like a pretty good idea, apart from the obvious fact that playing Guitar Hero is about as similar to playing a real guitar as it is to opening a can of tuna, but I’ve got an even better thought: I’m gonna make one of these that works for Street Fighter II so you can learn to throw fireballs and pause women while they’re kicking you in the face so you can get a good look at their crotches.

GEORGE MICHAEL now has two public-restroom arrests under his belt, nearly matching his record of three passed-out-in-a-car arrests.

PAUL MCCARTNEY is once again teaming with producer YOUTH for another dose of his essential trance side project, the Fireman. An old guy attempting electronic music is always cute, like when your mom calls and says, “My Firefox can’t watch YouTubes.”

Memory-card manufacturer SANDISK has somehow bullshitted Universal, Sony BMG, Warner, and EMI into backing its new “slotMusic” format, which sticks DRM-free MP3 files onto tiny, easily swallowable microSD disks. “Of course,” said the labels. “New physical music formats are exactly the sort of thing that won’t fail spectacularly in today’s download-dominated marketplace.”

In the Big Hurt Credibility Spotlight this week: punk legend JOHN “ny Rotten” LYDON is now starring in butter commercials on British television. Butter commercials; commercials for butter. Television advertisements soliciting the public to purchase butter. Starring Johnny Rotten. Relish ye this horripilating Lydon quote: “I for one am proud to be British and I’m proud to get behind a proper British brand. That’s why I’m supporting Country Life butter.”

  Topics: Music Features , Britney Spears , Pete Wentz , Pete Wentz ,  More more >
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