MTV's Big "Hills" Fake-Out: Reality TV Isn't Actually Real; Global Community in State of Shock
So, in case you haven't heard, MTV's long-running (far, far too long) reality show "The Hills" has taken its final curtain call. For six straight seasons, the world watched, rapt, as a bevy of malnourished, overly-tanned "friends" shared a life of gratuitously conspicuous consumption, (hey, who feels like hopping a jet to Costa Rica this weekend to take shots and whine amongst ourselves in a different time zone?!) parties and, of course, drama with a D. And the world ate it up, like closet binge eaters scarfing brownies at 2 am and washing them down with big, salty, self-hating tears. But enough about us.
It's sort of inconceivable that this show lasted as long as it did (hell, it's sort of inconceivable that reality television has lasted as long as it has but it seems that particular cockroach will outlive us all) and yet MTV somehow managed to wring the very last drop of blood out of what should have been a sinking reality stone. After Lauren "LC" Conrad (a girl who should have never been given her own show...home-girl is as dull as a butter knife. At least the "Jersey Shore" kids have some approximations of a personality to go with their tans) finally came to her senses and ditched the show two seasons back, MTV handed the reins over to "bad girl" Kristin Cavallari. Who, once she had a contract, gave up her "bad girl" persona to mope after Brody "Manscape" Jenner as pathetically as her predecessor. And still, we watched.
Every episode of "The Hills" was like straight cocaine to the part of our cerebral cortex that feens for vapid, soulless, candy-coated entertainment. And this shit was pure, like, Colombian pure. We wanted to figure out Justin Bobby as badly as poor Audrina, with her vacant, puppy-dog eyes. Why does he have two names? Will he ever settle down and put a ring on it? We stuck by Heidi, even after she married the likely (definitely) sociopathic Spencer. Even after she decided to give the late MJ a run for his scary plastic surgery money. We understood when Stephanie Pratt didn't know the difference between a guinea pig and a hamster (hey, they're both furry, lay off, ok?) and supported her campaign for sobriety (even though she was a hell of a lot more entertaining when she was off that wagon.) As for our friend Lo....actually, no, Lo was super boring. But we slogged through it, because this was real.
And then MTV went ahead and yanked back the curtain, unmasked the wizard. The very last scene
of the televised black hole that sucked away six seasons of our lives revealed that show-boating Jenner standing in front of a Hollywood set! A Hollywood set being dismantled before the final credits could even finish rolling! Who could have seen this coming? Who could have known that this whole reality TV thing was just a big fake-out? WHO. Does this mean that the ladies of the "Real Housewives" are hamming it up for ratings, as well? The mind reels. Thanks for the memories, children of the 'Hills,' thanks for nothin'.