The Big Hurt: Say anything

The week in YouTube comments
By DAVID THORPE  |  April 12, 2010

It’s almost impossible to read a single page of YouTube comments without being confronted by society’s ugliest afflictions: ignorance, pointless fights, horrifying racism, and unfair criticism of Justin Bieber’s haircut. But there’s a fun side, too: if you look through a few pages of comments on any music video, you’re sure to find one thing that makes it all worthwhile: abject batshit insanity.

MILEY CYRUS | “PARTY IN THE USA” | afshinkiyani: We have been so brain-washed that we spent 44 years fighting the cold war to destroy the communist soviet union. Brain-washed to beleive politicians like Obama, even if they wanted to, had the power to make significant changes. This isnt democracy, its aristocracy and the only way to break the aristocracy is like the way of the french revolution, to unite and fight with any weapon we can get a hold of. They can call us radicals but we are soldiers of freedom.

Afshinkiyani may be a Miley fan, but he seems to have a radically different approach to partying in the USA. The Tea Party goofballs have made so many spittle-flecked calls to arms lately that I almost mentally edited out this comment — but wait! This guy’s different — he wants us to take up our rakes and torches and overthrow the rich. He namedrops France. That’s not very Glenn Beck. Could we be dealing with a crazy, militant, anti-government, left-wing radical?

THE BEATLES | “HELLO GOODBYE” | youtubrfan: InSSclasswewerelearningabout responsiblegovt incanadabackin1850’s andwegotintogroupsand youwere supposetoplan the next school dance. You could pick any artists you want living or dead. 8groups mygrouppickedthebeatles tookalotof convincinhoweveranotherpickedthe beatles:D. 3 picked the spice girls?!WTF 1 picked Lady Gaga?!1picked MJ 1picked Sons of Angels?! Then next time voting 5Spicegirls 2Beethoven and 1 The beatles (Us) Then3rd time weallvoted beetovenjusttogoforlunch. ThisisMusicnowadays

Here we see a much cuddlier breed of derangement: a hyperactive schoolchild whose manic deluge of thoughts exceeds the mechanical limits of modern keyboards.

BRITNEY SPEARS | “BABY ONE MORE TIME” | ManLaw4Evr: Jesus was never here. It was a Rumor to sell books. Only back then they only wrote on scribes. Somebody had a good idea though. Convince enough people and then have the Copyrights. Make a fortune. The only real Jesus is a Brittney in a thong, drunk, no car keys and lots and lots of condoms!!!!!

Finally, a religion based on rational thought and observable phenomena. I've never been a very spiritual guy, but if this guy has any pamphlets left over, I’ll take one.

TAYLOR SWIFT | “YOU BELONG WITH ME” | FreedomDomination: Awesome, as if country music is not gay enough all ready, maby its because these songs create a such an placebo to the uneducated population. maby you could write songs about how 40,000 people who die each day because of malnutrition. oh wait i forgot you are controlled by the illuminati . . . . a group proven to be satin worshippers . . . . . that would_ taint the outcome of you messages. It never to late to change the road your on.

At first, this looked like pointless grousing about the social irrelevance of pop music (snore), but it really picked up when he accused Taylor Swift of being controlled by the Illuminati and worshipping lustrous fabric weaves. Shape up, Taylor! You could still reject your satin-pawing cultist overlords and start singing songs about starvation statistics!

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Related: 2009: The top 10 in pop music, Photos: Timbaland at House of Blues, Photos: Mariah Carey at the Wang Theatre, More more >
  Topics: Big Hurt , Barack Obama, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift,  More more >
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