We know, we know -- the world is supposed to end in May. Or maybe 2012. God knows. Or does she? In any case, one thing we can be sure of: When the End comes, there will be no more vegetables. (Don't ask how we know this, or what it means for the afterlives of vegetarians.) Fortunately, you don't need to compulsively clean your home (or underwear), confess your sins, or otherwise purify yourself. You don't even need to pack in supplies on the off chance you're Left Behind. No, the best way to prepare is to roll on over to Nosh Kitchen Bar, and order the Apocalypse Now. It's a regular (delicious) Nosh burger patty, topped with cheese, pork belly, bacon, and foie gras (making it just that tad bit harder to have a clean soul). For a mere $20 (no, I'm not kidding) you're sure to find out exactly how much rich fleshmeat you'll be able to stomach in your final moments on this mortal coil. Take a couple of friends, and see who's best prepared. Perhaps you'll learn that one has a delicate constitution unlikely to survive the rigors of the real Apocalypse. (Seriously -- if you can't eat a ridiculously rich burger, what hope have you in the Great Beyond?) Or you'll find out that somebody isn't really interested in trying it -- that's a dead giveaway for a Lost Soul. And if you are convinced of your total and utter preparedness, order it with four patties instead of the usual one (for an extra $7.50). We are certain that such a gustatory attempt will hasten the Apocalypse -- even if only for you.
Nosh Kitchen Bar | 551 Congress St, Portland | 207.553.2227 | noshkitchenbar.com