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Come on, now

In Layman's Terms
By DANA FADEL  |  August 31, 2014


“I really love sex and experience enormous pleasure from it. However, my orgasm is subtle and as good as it feels; it’s hard to even say it is a orgasm. It is just that I think there might be a variety of orgasms (at least what I hear from my friends) and I feel as if I am missing out on the ultimate experience of life, like there is release that I do not have. I would love to hear what other women have to say about this. I know you ask men and women, but quite frankly I’m not sure a man would have much to say about this.”_KB

“The best way to receive a fuller, deeper orgasm is to stimulate your whole body. There’s a lot of cultural norms in this country around sex being just the bumping of genitals, and that really centralizes where your orgasm is going to take place. Your skin is this interconnected network of nerve endings, so if you’ve built up that sexual energy from your fingertips to your toes to your hair follicles...when you get to that climactic point, your whole body is going to be engaged because the blood flow to your surface area is everywhere, not just around your genitals.”_Kelly, 37, “ruckus maker,” interviewed at the Public Market.

“Girls are not taught from a young age to enjoy themselves sexually, or to enjoy their bodies. In fact, I think right now more than ever, we are culturally teaching girls to disassociate from their bodies as much as possible. It’s really somewhat perverse that we expect them to automatically experience an intense orgasm after spending most of their developmental time disassociating psychologically, physically, sexually, emotionally, from their bodies. This is a huge hurdle for most women.”_Michelle, 50, teacher, interviewed at Jet Video.

“Some of the better sexual experiences people have are not marked by coming; they’re marked by a good experience, tenderness, experimentation, and physicality. If you are having a good time, then why question that compared to other people? Sexual identity is as individual as sex, so there’s no way to ever compare or quantify your experiences with other people in your community. Everyone’s body is different, everyone’s mind is different. Enjoy all of it.” _Chris, 32, professor, interviewed at Speckled Ax.

“Is there love between the two partners? Maybe he doesn’t eat the pie right, I don’t know. Maybe he’s not satisfying her in the ways she wants. It sounds like she should speak up and voice to her partner that she’s not climaxing the way that she should be. Take control. Take the reins and ride the horse.” _Candi, 34, and Jessica, 35, laundry attendants, interviewed at Garden Island Cleaners.

“Just be happy with your sexual experience. Why are you looking for something that doesn’t exist? It’s a relationship with the person you’re with. Orgasm is much too selfish. Sex has become much too selfish. It’s all about who you’re with. This is the first time I’ve said the word ‘orgasm’ in front of my mother!”_Miriam, 78, great grandmother, and Rachel, 56, professor, interviewed on Baxter Boulevard.

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 See all articles by: DANA FADEL

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