This isn’t going to be another one of those extended rants where I’m trying to disguise the fact I was too lazy to do any real work this week, so I had to fill this space with a list of all the stupid things the Christian Civic League of Maine did lately. I usually save that column for the dog days of summer.
Although, Lord knows, I’m tempted to roll it out early.
First, there was the tantalizing item in the league’s daily e-mail newsletter of April 19, in which the group announced that, the US Constitution notwithstanding, certain religions “which worship the forces of darkness” should be banned. “There is no room in a modern age for superstitions which contravene reasonable standards of ethics,” wrote the nameless author (probably league executive director Michael Heath), “or which seek to manipulate the forces of darkness by casting spells and incantations.”
That seems like a pretty good description of the US Congress, but that doesn’t appear to be the author’s target. Among those singled out for banning are Wiccans, pagans and Gnostics (defined by the league as anybody who’s read The Da Vinci Code or plans to see the movie). These fiends are responsible for, among other outrages, Goth fashions, tattoos, and Spike TV.
That same day, the Heathian cyber-clone called “Pilgrim” posted a notice on the conservative Web site “As Maine Goes” in which he (or, I suppose, she) announced that Governor John Baldacci and the Democratic Party were “doing Satan’s work, destroying four hundred years of Maine culture and tradition” by supporting gay rights, abortion, and allowing Wiccans to run rampant. Henceforth, “Pilgrim” proclaimed, the Dems and their allies in the media should be known as “SATANOCRATS.”
If it was up to me, I’d have gone with “DEMONOCRATS,” but that’s the difference between writers and religious fanatics.
Several paragraphs ago, I promised this column would not devolve (wait, does the Christian Civic League even believe in devolution?) into a litany of the league’s excesses. I’m standing by my pledge by saying something nice about Heath and his merry band of mouth-foamers. Here it is:
They aren’t always wrong.
Like the first George Bush (correct on the broccoli issue) and the Portland Press Herald (smart enough to carry “Big Nate” on the comics page), the league sometimes shows some common sense. Well, at least once, anyway.
In April, the group filed suit against the Federal Election Commission, claiming it’s being deprived of its right to free speech. The league wants to run TV ads (wait, isn’t TV evil?) this spring pestering US senators Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins to vote for a constitutional amendment defining marriage as strictly an opposite-sex thing and only one of each of those opposites.
I happen to oppose that amendment, but would have assumed arguing for or against it was an allowable activity under federal law. Not so, if that arguing is done on the tube. A few years ago, Snowe crafted language that was included in the McCain-Feingold campaign-finance bill forbidding corporations and special interests from running TV spots within 30 days of an election if those spots name any federal candidate in that election. Since Snowe is on the ballot for the June 13 primary, the league’s ads are banned (wait, isn’t the league in favor of banning things?) from the airwaves during the period just before Congress begins debating the marriage amendment.
