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DAVID THORPE
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The miracle of Japanese
In a break from my usual bad-jokes format, I bring you something so strange and wonderful that I just had to share it with the world.
Who charted?
I love writing these chart-watching editions of "The Big Hurt," but I don't do it too often, and for a depressing reason: the same shit stays on the charts week after week.
Music news in brief
We've all given serious thought to buying an expensive Tiffany ring, flying to the UK, and busting into KATE BUSH's house to propose marriage.
Bieber's adulthood, Manson and Trent's arson, Snoop's weed, Adele's weight, and Jay-Z and Beyoncé's baby
Poor Biebs. He just wants to be the wholesome kid next door, but with his 18th birthday creeping up, America's youth-stealing culture just can't wait to liquor him up and lay him.
The week's worst ideas
Not the swiftest week in the history of pop — every news story seemed to be about some almighty screw-up or another .
Music news in brief
BIEBERWATCH! Last year, Paramount hinted at plans for a major JUSTIN BIEBER vehicle: some kind of basketball movie teaming our twink swag hunk with former teen throb "MARKY MARK" WAHLBERG.
The hype ahead
Considering the year ahead, I figured I'd look at some obvious picks for 2012's biggest newcomers.
The year in Juggalos
It's been another wicked year for the Insane Clown Posse.
The year in context
We can't truly understand 2011's place in music history until we weigh it against its counterparts from decades past, preferably in some sort of arbitrary jerk-off critical exercise. Hey, here's one
Aggregating
No matter how lazy music writers get, we can't spin every press release into a freebie news story, or even a scrap of "Web content" (shudder) for whichever shit aggregator pays our parking tickets.
Music news in brief
Nickelback suck.
Jammin' with pops
San Francisco rapper Jay Friedman, a/k/a Satellite High, has fully captured the platonic ideal of dads.
Music news in brief
In case you were wondering how many guys are allowed to say "yup," the answer is one.
Persecuted, sued, and snitched on
Much clown love, my ninjas!
Music news in brief
While his upcoming Christmas album, Under the Mistletoe, may sound like a surefire hit, it was nearly scuppered by a pair of glistening ornaments.
Who charted?
Of all the Billboard offerings I've covered in Who Charted — which is most of them, excluding major eccentrics like the Hot Norwegian Skiffle 100 — there are none I'm more excited to revisit than the Christian Songs chart
Music news in brief
In the spooky spirit of the Phoenix Halloween Goth special, a chilling tale of a band returning from the dead!
Scrambling
In the end, some eggs were eaten and a bunch of money was raised to help sick kids, which is great. But did Steve Harwell truly meet the egg challenge? No!
Music news in brief
A hell of a week.
Marion return!
Here's the biggest news of the year, if you're me or Michael Marotta or one of maybe three other idiots in the world who'd actually care: Marion is reforming.
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